As I went through the adoption system and that system’s by-laws, I was placed with a foster parent. Events led my father and mother to adopting me at the age of a year and half. It was a sovereign act working through man’s choices. At the time my dad was a heavy drinker. Although he was in the Air Force he maintained a party like lifestyle. As told by him, he was watching T.V. one late night, and he seen a commercial by the
California Home Society. A seed already was planted in his mind concerning a kid. For about six months, he seen this commercial at night, when he was moved to act upon the advertisement. Acting upon the commercial one Friday my dad told my mom to come with him without telling her where they were going.
After driving fifty miles, they get to the adoption agency. The adoption agency was located in Santa Barbara, California. They met with the staff at the adoption agency and told them that they wanted to adopt a child. My dad did all the talking as it was new news to my mom.
Subsequently, my dad went TDY to Denver. In this interim, my mom received pictures of a little girl. This was the first child the agency offered. Therefore, my mom being the one who was contacted that day told the agency that she wanted to wait to her husband was home. The next day my parents went to the agency but for some reason my mom didn’t feel up to it that day and they left. Consequently, that child was not adopted.Sometime later, they went back to the agency and I was there with my foster mother who knew my biological mother. She also wanted to adopt me. It was determined by the agency that wasn’t a good idea; therefore, I was available to my dad and mom for adoption. During this encounter the separation from my foster mother was hard for me and I cried and didn’t want to leave her. My mom picked me up and I stopped crying. It was the agency’s policy to initially allow a few hours of bonding; however, I was allowed to leave with my dad and mom that day.
My dad was going overseas thus expediting the process. Before the finalization of the adoption, my dad got a DUI in Vegas. The DUI created a court date for my dad. After his day in court in Vegas, he decided to go to a casino and ended up drunk. Rushing to get to court back in California the next morning, he barely made it and was still drunk. Ironically, the judge deemed my father was an honorable man and stated he believed he would be an excellent father. Accordingly, I became Anthony Woods Brown linking my biological mother naming me Anthony, my mom’s maiden name and the last name Brown. “All things work together for the good for those who love God and all are called according to His purpose.”
Not long after I was adopted, my dad who was at the time enlisted in the Air Force had gotten stationed in Amsterdam, Holland. Therefore, we moved to Holland. There a Dutch family befriended us. The mother and father became my Godparents. The family was very much involved with me. Their family consisted of the father, mother, son, and daughter. The kids were older than I was. They took me places, teaching me how to swim, and read to me all the time. I learned about Dutch custom mainly through them. Although we lived in a Dutch neighborhood and I played with the kids there. My dad wanted me to interact with American kids so he enrolled me in Sunday school on the base. This caused the Dutch kids in the neighborhood to want to go to Sunday school too.
Signs of my unique character begin manifesting overseas.
At a time when based on the world’s system there was not much data accumulated on ADHD and there was no guidance on how to deal with the gift. It is a reason why I say gift. Maybe another day Lord willing I will expound on different Biblical truths that I have discovered. At an early age, I was exposed to a dysfunctional family situation. The memories I have of my dad at a young age is drinking, parties, and the times I was allowed to just do. My interaction with other kids was always outgoing, so I made friends in Holland. However, in day care in Holland I didn’t seem to play well with others. In addition, a violent streak manifested and it is an occasion that transpired.
According to my dad when I was around the age of four, I had retaliated on a kid who had hit me days before by way of hitting the other kid with a brick. For some reason my dad decided to have me Christened by the Chaplain oversees. To me that is another time God showed me that His mark was on me. No way is the act of being Christened a means of showing God’s hand in ones-life or for that matter salvation. However, looking in hindsight I can see His hand in my life. There is a dream that I continued to have of me falling in a canal and someone reaching down and pulling me out. A couple of years I found out that really happened according to my mother.
Fast-forwarding to returning stateside. At first, we went to Del Rios, Texas where my dad began to see the light. During this time, I was attending a private Christian pre-school and more of the “imbalances” or whatever you want to call it began appearing, for I had trouble in class. After Texas, we moved to Fort Walton Beach, FL. That is where this person who was set in the eyes of the devil to destroy began spiraling downhill. The stage was already set. But for God’s mercy. Beginning in grade school, (kindergarten) I realized that I was not adapting how I was expected to.
This had a lot to do with the school system not recognizing nor having a professional that could teach a child such as I was. Paying attention and doing what I was supposed to was an overwhelming task that I could not figure out. Time and time again I had trips to the principal’s office which resulted in punishment. Back then it was okay to get paddled. Therefore, I received innumerable paddings. Plus, I had my dad contacted and here I was getting double punishment. For the life of me I could not figure out why it was me who had to be the one that could not act right. It was very disheartening. People began referring to me as that bad kid. This was the community including the church. At the time I did not like to be called the bad kid. Matter of fact I wanted to be the good kid.
The effect of sin was cursing my life.
The first time I had been suspended was in the third grade for calling the teacher a bi—. Impulse control was a severe deficiency I had, and I would respond most of the time without considering the consequences. This continued in absurd ways. All through grade school I continued to get in trouble and getting accustomed to the school system was very difficult. My grades reflected that as I got bad grades. It was not the fact that I lacked intelligence because according to IQ tests I scored above average. Then why was I having such a difficult time? Not to blame the system but paradoxically the system was at fault for the lack of understanding how to channel a kid’s, like myself, energy in a productive manner. Based on all the flawed studies of the world, I was determined as a misfit.
Accordingly, my parents had me seen by psychiatrists, mental health counselors, psychologists, and such like people. They began predicting that my life would become criminal, that I was prone to be become a substance abuser, etc. Go figure this was spoken over my life before I was 12. While I was attending the grade school, I broke in the school with another kid who was older than I was. We got caught. Well the other kid was over the fence when the janitor/off-duty police officer came out and seen us. I was climbing down the other side when he told us to come here. Like a dummy, I climbed back over the fence to be caught. Punishment was inevitable. This behavior continued and oh boy I thought I was slick and began stealing change and getting caught because my own slickness. I have to tell this story. One of my friends decided to go to the corner store. My parents had a little change purse in the cabinet. I told my friend that I can get some money so we rode our bicycles to my house. My dad was outside washing the car. So I decided to put the change in my mouth because I knew a lot change in a pocket would make noise. Therefore, with my creative mind decided to put the change in my mouth and get a Hi C to mask my actions. When I came outside and got on my bike my friend asked, “Did you get the change?” Going in defensive mode I began trying to over talk him and by doing so the change fell out my mouth. Busted!
Now during this time, I had discovered a medical encyclopedia that my dad had in the house and I wanted to learn a big impressive word. The word that I initially found was immunology. Reading further I found out that the doctor who was associated with the study of infectiousness diseases was termed an immunologist. Bingo, that is what I wanted to be. I told a few people that and I don’t think anybody understood what I was talking about. This was the 80’s. There is a memory of a particular teacher who always pointed out that I was a bad kid. He went further to tell me I was going to go to a juvenile facility because I was bad.
Transitioning now to middle school and “Oh Boy,” the malfunctioning (the gift) of how my brain was working was at full swing. My hopes were to learn what I could and become a good student. That was my intent as I began middle school. At home, I was still finding myself in trouble with some type of dumb action I had done. While in middle school, I continued to get exposure to the world and its views and the more I had a desire to do as the world. While I was in grade school, President Regan instituted the Just say No program. With police officers coming to the school doing presentations displaying drugs and its effects, I was an enthusiast for the campaign. My dad would tell everybody that I was opposed to drugs. That was in grade school. Now that I was in middle school, the drug dealer became appealing. He had the things of the world. Like I said I desired the things of the world. It was a rule that I had to go to church and I hated going with a passion.
My ADHD was really showing itself in middle school. I could not learn the conventional way. Because the Lord blessed me with a unique way of learning, I found ways to grasp things especially because I could read and understand what I was reading. That did not prevent me from leaning mischief and become behind in school.
So here I was with these problems that were not addressed. Even though I was seeing professionals, it did not help because I was never honest and not very open with them. For that matter I was not open at home.
I did not share too much with my parents. Around this time, I was getting into fights consistently because I did not respond too well to situations and I had pride, and the effects of sin were mounting up. So here, I was in middle school, same routine as grade school, principal office, the paddle, dad contacted, more punishment, suspensions, and ultimately home school and expulsion. Well I started identifying with kids that were from households that were more relaxed because their parents were into a certain lifestyle. As I began to hang around people where I could just be the person who it seemed that I was, I began to get into criminal acts. It was not so much them because I was an instigator and an initiator to commit some of the criminal acts. Of course smoking cigarettes, alcohol and the introduction of drugs came around this time too. This caused me to not obey curfew times at the house, which led into me being kicked out, and becoming a runaway. Rebellion sat in my heart in mighty way. The time that I was not home I was in the streets. There were times when I had nowhere to stay and I would sleep in some odd places, then get up, go to a friend’s house, and begin my day planning trouble.
This circumstance was a choice.
Slowly, the desire to do good simply slipped away.
But there was an inner struggle that was trying to figure out why I could not just be a good kid. This inner struggle consistently vacillated to complacency on being evil to wanting to do good. Most of the time I just tried to ignore it. With the help of words being spoken about my demise, it was enough to fuel me.
These words were spoken openly and subtlety.
These words were effective in their purpose.
Police began showing up at my house for things I had done and returning me for running away. By this time I was stealing from stores, beating people up for the fun of it, stealing cars, and criminal mischief. The violent streak kept reoccurring. I was involved in an incident where I had cut someone with a knife during a fight. Progressively I was getting in the criminal justice system as I began being locked up in juvenile detention centers, probation, juvenile programs, and eventually jail.
During the time on the street I learned how to survive on the streets and learning the drug trade was a way of acquiring money. All my lessons came from first-hand experience, for I was in neighborhoods were the people on the block were extended families and I was somewhat of an outcast. So I had my share of being robbed and tricked. That violent streak was ever present during those times and I just couldn’t figure out how to unleash it. I was outnumbered so I learned how to manipulate situations and attempted to fit in with their modes of operation. It was mainly to be able to survive so I could continue on my path.
At the age of fifteen I caught my first drug case which was for possession of cocaine and shortly after I got my first sale case. Church was nowhere in my thoughts by this time. Living at my parents’ house was out of the question. There were too many rules for me, so I couldn’t be me and do what I wanted. So as much as I could, I chose to run the streets. Well, I couldn’t stay there and do it so I opted at any opportunity not to be there.
The assistant state’s attorney during this time decided to direct file me because of a case I caught while at a juvenile program. Now I was exposed to the county jail system with seasoned criminals and I picked up what I could. The first jail I was incarcerated in was Escambia County jail in Pensacola, FL. This is where I met a guy from Miami. That is significant because later on when I found a way to get back at people for coming against me I had to escape down there, ducking the law.
At this point I won’t get into war stories, but I had my fair share of them and then some. Briefly, concerning my expedition to Miami, I had gone down there jumping bond on a couple of sale charges. The only person that I knew down there was the guy I met in jail who was a drug trafficker.
For that reason he was in the Escambia county jail. All I had was his aunt’s number. While I was down there I got dropped off in a place called Hialeah. It is a predominately Spanish community mostly Cuban. Because of my complexion, I was mistaken as Spanish and got spoken to in Spanish all the time where I had to repeatedly tell them I don’t speak Spanish or understand what they were saying. With the little funds that I had, I had a motel in area for a couple of days. I called the guys aunt’s house, and she told me, I could find him I could find him on 15th Avenue in Liberty City. This was in 1994 and that avenue was a notorious spot as an open air drug market. But guess what Liberty City, here I come.
The guy who is now dead after getting shot in an infamous drug hole which the drug gang was known for violence and murder. During this time he was still alive, but it took almost two months to find him.
So in the mean time I was surviving and learning the ropes of life in the “City.” With no family only God’s hand of protection on my life, I fell into the groove of inner city juvenile delinquency. Actually I had just turned 18 so technically I was an adult. While I was down in Miami, I had gotten involved with a couple of drug circles that had corners on the “Ave.” There are stories about that but maybe in a later book. But there is one of significance that I want to speak on that always come back to me because I know God stepped in.
To make a long story short one of the lieutenants (the guy who helped manage the distribution of drugs and collection of money on the street level) was embezzling the drug gangs money and/or drugs.
Well just so happen the night that he decided to that I myself had my own little racket going on. It wasn’t much, but here and there I could switch packages and instead of the one bag of rock I would go purchase jugglers with their money. I got the juggler cut it in half because they were large in size. That way I would sell one rock to return their money then I would sell the other half and make my money. In my ignorance I didn’t know how serious such an offense was. Back to the story, when it was time to clock out the bookkeepers noticed a discrepancy between the books and the money. So they came and got the lieutenant and myself. Now they all were homeboys and grew up together. Here I was from the panhandle of Florida with no one that I was connected too. In the midst of all this I was homeless and I had ended up staying with one of the kids who worked on the Ave with me. So they told people that I was there cousin because of the politics of Miami and the natives not being friendly to outsiders. While we were at the bomb house (that is a point of operation for distributing drugs and is usually a house or a duplex) they began beating the lieutenant.
I knew that it was going to be problems. Next they came to me asking me where the money was at. They were short about $1,500. Of course the lieutenant was denying everything. When they got to me I denied any wrong doing. Well I was not exempt from the attack. The bath tub is where I ended up with a gun pointed at me. For the record the bathtub is where a person ends up when he is about to get murdered. It is easier to clean up. But God said not so.
Eventually I had gone to jail in Miami. The first couple of times I had gone to jail where drug related, but I was using alias; therefore, I went unnoticed. Consequently, those times I was not caught for being a fugitive from my county. When I was tired of the running and missing home, I finally gave the authorities my real name, but this was after an accomplice and I had been arrested for a strong-armed robbery. The end result of the strong armed robbery case was a county jail sentence.
Those stories I will save for another time along with the mass amount of “war stories.” There is one thing I will say on the matter is that everyone that I met in the jail thought I was from Miami. After my sentence was completed, I was transported to my county. While I was in the jail, I do remember attending a Muslim service as I was trying to find some religion. Basically, it was something to do. It took no effect, God said not so.
Now I am back in Fort Walton Beach, FL and I was more corrupt with a new exposure to wickedness. Because I was in a place that was known for TV type of criminal action, I had begun robbing others that were selling drugs. To me it was safer from having the law on your case. During that era it actually was because the ideology was prevalent “that let them kill their own.” Present time the minds have discovered that you can kill two birds with one stone. If one dies than the other one dies in prison.
Understandably, there is punishment for crime. Back to the account, my life continued to spiral downhill; the effects of sin and curses accumulated. As a result, I was sent to prison for my first bid.
The prison accounts are numerous; however, all I did on that first trip was learn how to and ponder on new ways of crime. Not only that, I picked up another habit and that was gambling and with gambling came more problems.
After release from the first trip to prison, I moved for a brief stay to Atlanta. Thinking that moving away from what I was used to would change things; nobody told me that I was the problem. Guess
what I took the problem with me. As a result, I was rearrested about a month and half from prison with new charges of gun possession. The Atlanta accounts I will share in a later book along with some of the other stories. However, while I was living in Atlanta I was going back and forth to my home town.
Somewhere in that process I had allegedly committed a home invasion. This was before the arrest in Atlanta. That wild untamed nature rested within in my soul. Now in jail for the gun possessions the only way out of that predicament was my family. In my manipulation and deceitful heart I knew what it what it would take for them to move. I decided to pick up the Bible because they are Christians. It worked and out on bond I was. There are consequences for playing with things of the Spirit. For that many consequences came and a few evil spirits were assigned to me.
Before I had gone to jail, I did not have scary hallucinations while snorting cocaine; however, after using the Bible in the manner I did, it came. Don’t get me wrong, while I was picking up the Bible
there was a conviction. Not a conversion just a conviction. This was seeing that God had a set of rules and my way was nowhere near what He says is righteousness or for that fact right. Again the whole account I will save for another testimony.
Eventually I moved back to Florida along with my girlfriend at the time. Well not actually moved because it was based off a dream in my mind and I had convinced her to come along. While we were in Florida I basically abandoned her. That caused her going back home to where she was originally from and that was Mississippi. We were living the wrong way but what I have to say about her is that she was a good woman in the natural sense. It was just that we were both ignorant to the Truth at the time. The plan was for her to go back and when I got on my feet I would send for her.
Of course I was not working just hustling, but before that idea came to pass I had got arrested for the alleged home invasion. In jail again facing He-Man charges, mercy was shown and the victims recanted there statements. God said not so.
I was back on the street, but it didn’t last long. Fast-forwarding to my next sentence to prison, this was after a few trips to the county. At this point of my life I was so blinded by the false image of the world.
That is chasing after what the world says is good or what the streets said was good. The place where I left off in prison was picked up as I returned. However, this time I was not a rookie and thought I had all the sense. Gambling, fighting, lying, no respect for authority, getting high, and finding better ways to commit crime, that is how I spent my time. In the process I was trying to figure out the secret to life and power. It was during these times that I pondered on many things.
Think about it; there is always time to exhaust on consistent thinking. There was some thought to do somewhat right. Not in the sense of really doing right, but what I believed were some right things.
Released and back on the streets, here I was with a half way intention to get a job, blah, blah, blah. But the inner me had some issues and lusts. Therefore, drugs and that life were back in full effect in no time. I was selling drugs within a week after I was released from prison. I was committing a crime by way of possession first day out. Clubs, chicks, living fast, and all that goes along with that life is what I was into.
One day on my way to the block (the place that was an open air drug market) I prayed a prayer to God, or at least I thought I was. It was somewhere along these lines, “God if you are real then I want to sell my soul to the devil and in return let me meet a cartel member, specifically a cocaine cartel member.” As I continued in this prayer, I told God that I wanted to be immensely rich with all the drugs and I was going to corrupt everyone that I could. So I concluded that is what I wanted and submitted my request to God. But God said not so.
Well that was regarding iniquity in my heart and He turned His face from my prayer. Thanks unto God that He did not answer that prayer.
So guess what? Really, you don’t have to guess because I was on my way back to prison. My mind began philosophically pondering life. I concluded that there existed a world that had people that were good and people that were bad. It came to the point that I believed that I was just one of the people that were bad. Because of this ideology, I likened myself or felt kindred to others that were in the “struggle.” It was us against the “do- gooders.” This furthered the rebellious attitude that rested within my soul.
Prison didn’t make it any better where most of the facilities staff had an evil heart and didn’t know they had an evil heart. As they displayed hate towards the inmates, in return the inmate’s blind
mind didn’t do anything except reciprocate the same feeling. In juxtaposition, it becomes more harmful to the latter because that person is already under a curse. With this attitude, I went through the prison system again. As a result, I pondered the fact that money could solve all these problems because money brings power. Yeah I had it figured out. I thought.
After release from this last incarceration I was moving maybe 328 miles per hour. The lust of money, drugs, fast woman, gambling, inner struggles, and demons where taking me to final destination.
Yeah a lot of things during this time were in place to destroy me. But God said not so. This era was seemingly fun. It gratified the flesh. I was taking multiple careless chances in trying to
reach a lie.
In my mind the image of worldly things was the ultimate goal in life.
So this segment I was moving in the fast lane. However, for some reason I couldn’t establish the connection that I was seeking, and if I met one that was a prospect, the forces were in play where it wouldn’t end up fruitful.
This period was for a short time because I was on my way back to prison. Okay here I am again, out of prison after the last release. This time I had a few business ideas, but my heart was hardened in so many areas that I got right into the drug game. I had developed a huge appetite for drugs. Every day I was under the influence of some drug, from ecstasy, cocaine, marijuana, pills, and alcohol. Even though I could generate the money, a lot of it went to the lifestyle of partying and casinos. Not only that but the legal system. During this time, I remember thinking that the stuff that I was accumulating wasn’t going to last. It happened every-time I had got locked up. All that I did acquire happened to disappear.
But through all the hurt and pain that I was causing everyone around me and myself something started happening inside me.
The realization that I was destroying my life continued to haunt me. Then, thoughts of my daughter came into play. Did I want to be a dad that lived this way? This occasion I remember well. One day waiting on someone to bring my associate and I some more cocaine, I looked around the room and realized that this was crazy. So I said to my associate “look at us this is not life.” But the claws of the demons where in deep and I could not shake them for nothing.
In this condition, I met misery.
A lot of unique events occurred in this time. Looking in hindsight I can see the Hand of God moving and allowing things to occur. Not to mention His mercy.
Mercy stepped in by the way of my arrest. Back in jail and on my way to spend more time incarcerated than ever before. There were times that I had faced more time. However, this time my past and reckless lifestyle had caught up with me. Even at this time, I did not want anything to do with God.
There were some people having a Bible study in the cell and I mocked them. I told them they were all hypocrites and that it didn’t work. Matter of fact, I assured them that they would get out and go back to the same old stuff. My heart was wicked. When I called home my mom told me that I needed Jesus. In return, I would tell her that Jesus doesn’t work and is not for everybody and to stop telling me about Jesus. This was a precarious situation spiritually. Unbeknownst to me though, the enemy was taking hold of my rebellion and witchcraft was present in my life. Those stories I will save for another testimony. In this dark state, I did what I always did while locked up lied, gambled, fought, and caused confusion.
There was a meeting I had with a mental health specialist while I was in the jail that is relevant to this testimony. My intentions on going to see the specialist was to get documentation stating that I
had mental issues so I could persuade the court not to sentence me to a lengthy sentence. However, while I was in there talking to the Lady, I began to vent sincerely. Something that I pondered over and over throughout life baffled me and I told her. What I told her was that I look around and see people living lives that were meaningful and here I was continually throughout life causing pain to others and myself. I stated further that I didn’t want to be like that but I concluded that I was made to be evil.
I expressed; why did that have to be me? It was easy for people to say, “Just do right.” Well that is all good, but you aren’t me and that was an overwhelming unnatural thing for me to do. When I had good intentions, it ended up polluted. And I told her that life does not make sense and I did not ask to come to this place called Earth. I continued to tell her wherever I was before they brought me to Earth they should have left me. Why did I have to come here and suffer and because I can’t conform to society and rules that I had to be punished for being me? On those lines I said, “They say when I die that I have to go to hell to be punished more for being evil.” This was such a disheartening feeling that I believed was totally unfair. “Couldn’t I be someone else?” Passionately, I told her, “If there were a button on your desk that I could push and end existence.
I’m not homicidal or suicidal but that is just what I would do.” In response, she told me, “Thank God that there is not button on my desk.”
My day in court came and I had gotten sentenced to ten years in the Florida Department of Corrections. My thoughts and attitude was that I was going to be this wicked person because that is what I succumbed to believing. Not to mention a plagued heart that society constantly affirmed. Shortly after that, I was in a cell talking to some people when a guy came in from Bible Discipleship Class with a Bible that he had earned from doing a Bible Study. It was a handsome Bible with all the bells and whistles. Because of my greed and wanting to have something that I could sell to someone or rather a Christian for about 40 bucks or so, this thought was in consideration that I was a gambler and I might have a bad day and this Bible would help me to get back on my feet.
Leaving out the cell with the guys I was talking too, I approached the guy and said, “Hey, how did you get that?” He told me that he completed a Bible Study through Good News Jail and Prison Ministries. I said, “How do you do it?”
He explained that you had to get these little pamphlets work them. He showed me one and I was like I can do that. So I had asked him to get me some. I told myself that I was not going to let the Word have any effect on me because I didn’t believe that stuff, all I was going to do was just read and complete the task. There were times throughout life where sayings in the Bible caused some uneasiness. A day or so later the guy brought me the first pamphlet during this time I had recently gotten into a fight and had to go to the hole. While I was waiting for a bed to open in confinement, I began to be moved by reading the word. However, I didn’t want to die to myself.
The day came when the officers called me to go to confinement. During the intake as the officer was inventorying my property to determine what I could take and what had to be put in storage, when we got to the Bible Studies I had asked her could I take them with me. In my mind, it was something for me to do. Remember I was trying to get that Bible so I was hyper-focusing in my quest to obtain it.
In confinement I was exposed to a couple of Christian books that I read as well because it is really boring confined to a bathroom sized cell. Of course, there are some roomy bathrooms but that was not the case here. The fact that those books were in there was not a by-chance event. There was a book where a woman was testifying about the goodness of God and the other book I remember was explaining some things. Also, there was a gentleman down the hall who was in maximum confinement, and the Lord used him to help me understand some things because there were a lot of phenomenal things taking place.
All he kept saying was that was the Holy Spirit.
Working on the Bible Studies caused me to have to read Scripture. Jesus began to become clear to me. I remember thinking about my life while I was in confinement and I realized that I did not have control over my life and I feared that I would just fall into whatever.
It seemed like I was destined for destruction. Of course that is not a good feeling.
When I was a child my dad made me read Psalm 51 in the morning at breakfast before school. Actually I was in middle school around this time and was always in some kind of trouble. It seemed like punishment to me to have to sit there and read the Bible. But here it is twenty years later and I am in a confinement cell searching for that Psalm 51. When I found it; it was around the same time I began to see Jesus and wanted life as He offered it in Scripture.
A desire to be saved manifested from the depths of my soul.
Reading Psalm 51 I began to sincerely pray that prayer that Psalm 51 makes up.
After that encounter the Bible was clearer and I believed and began holding on to the hope that Jesus offered. There was a confirmation that I was saved and I was ecstatic. Ah man what a joy to know I was saved and I wasn’t going to hell.
Life began to look different. Now my time was up and I came out of confinement ten days later saved.
The same officer that checked me in confinement was there when I got released from confinement. The first thing I said to her was, “Hey, I am saved,” for I knew she was Christian. There was a passage that the Holy Spirit revealed to me with understanding and I shared that with her. She was excited and truly joyful. If I was to give my take on her response it was because the Holy Spirit dwells in her and the hosts in heaven was celebrating. When I got back to population I kept telling everyone I was saved because it was such a great thing.
Matter of fact, I wanted everyone else to get what I just got. There are a lot of things I have done in times past to satisfy myself, but this assurance surpassed all. It seemed so simple. Man this joy I remember and still today I’m fueled by that same joy. I went in confinement as a lost sinner and came out a forgiven sinner who has found the Way.
God placed His Spirit in me and caused me to yearn for more of Him. I am so thankful. Every chance I got I wanted to learn more about Him. He put so many people in my path to help me grow. The basic elements of salvation were instilled in me at the jail. He carried me through and showed favor that still blows my mind when I think about it, but I will save all of that for another testimony.
What I can say that God’s word is true and is life. The Lord brought me out of darkness. My life is turned around because of one reason God’s love in His Son Jesus!!!